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Wednesday, May 28th, 2008
5:11 pm

current mood: frustrated

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4:42 pm

current mood: angry

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Wednesday, September 28th, 2005
12:57 am
Top ten reasons why gay marriage is a baaaaaaaaaaaaaad idea. (Yes, this is satire.)Collapse )

Please post this in your journal if you are for gay marriage.

current mood: sleepy

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Sunday, July 17th, 2005
3:12 pm - A new start on life
Things have definately gone in the right direction since the end of 2004... Well, at least in some aspects.
Umm, the work situation, or lack thereof, is still in the dumps, but my "social situation" is definatley on the up and up. See, this beautiful girl tapped me on the shoulder through the internet in late 2004 and we have been talking ever since. Well more than talking actually. On the 23rd we will celebrate our 3 month anniversary as a couple.
She is very lovely to me (at least most of the time) and I must admit that I am completely besotted!
We have seen each other at least once a month since April and the more time I spend with her the more I want our visits to last much longer. We have been talking about our options, mostly about me moving and getting a job/starting an education in her neck of the woods. Of course, uprooting oneself requires a lot of money, planning and... well, money. But I am willing to do all of that once we have found a credible solution. It does none of us any good if I move and I am still stuck in the same situation as I am in now.
Here is hoping for a bright future - fingers crossed.

current mood: hopeful

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Saturday, November 1st, 2003
7:58 pm - One giant leap for... me
Well, time for a long, long overdue update.
Next Saturday (November 8th) I'm taking a flight to the States. Yep, I'm coming to the US.
It's really a huge thing for me, I can't even begin to describe the emotions and feelings I have about the trip.
I'm flying to DC (well, I actually touch down in Baltimore) where I'm being picked up by my longtime "cyberfriend" and one of her friends. After staying at another friend of hers overnight, we're going to West Virginia (a 6 hour drive) where she lives.
While I'm in the US I am, of course, going to visit my cousin in sunny Florida, but whether it'll be in December or January I don't know yet. But I'm certainly looking forward to seeing her and her husband again.
Now I just have to pack a whole lot of stuff and then wait patiently for next Saturday to come around.

There, an update at last :o)

current mood: excited

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Wednesday, January 22nd, 2003
2:53 am - Yet another uneventful birthday
So... status time.
It's a couple of hours past my birthday and what has happened on this joyfull day?
Well, my mother called just as I was getting ready to take a shower before work (which, incidentally, ensured that I was 15 minutes late for work) to say happy birthday. She told me that she had bought a wireless keyboard and mouse for me (which I won't get until February 1st, when she can give it to the guys from my rpg group that still live back west, so they can take it with them when we convene here at my place, whoopie).
My roommate has said happy birthday to me three times today.
That's pretty much it, not a word from any of my other friends or the people I know (even though a couple of them promised to send lots and lots of tacky happy birthday e-mails).

No frickin' wonder I feel lonely.

On another note.
I've been on anti-depressants since mid-December, but ran out about two weeks ago (haven't made an appointment with my doc yet, to get some more).
I did feel "different" when I took them, but I can't say that I felt better.
It took the brunt of the dark feelings, sort of like the thoughts/feelings slid off my mood as if my mood was covered by a bubble or something. Whenever I started to feel down my thoughts just seemed to drift elsewhere... it was kind of an eerie feeling.
And then there were the physical side effects.
I sweated more (not that I started to smell or anything, I just "secreted" more sweat/fluids) and... well, let's just say that keeping a certain thing hard was a constant struggle. I'm afraid that the latter thing might become permanent if I start on the pills again. I guess I'll have to get some kind of insurance from my doc that that won't happen. Otherwise I'm switching brand.
Oh, in case you haven't guessed it yet, I was diagnosed as having a severe depression by my doctor.
Yeah, could have told her that (actually I did, but she asked me to fill out this questionnaire just to be sure).

current mood: lonely

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Tuesday, December 10th, 2002
1:55 am - Ashes to Ashes. Dust to Dust.
I just found this...
I probably couldn't describe it better myself... how I feel:

You know all you could do. You know all you should do. But it's like your very essence has fallen back into the abyss and is curling, covering it's face as it turns to dust. I just can't do it anymore. When this happens my whole mental system shuts down. I just go numb. It's like someone drained me and all I'm left with is my shell and somehow I'm suppose to motivate myself and make myself function. I just can't seem to get myself out of this shit hole. And I know, no one wants someone like this, unless they're emotionally masochistic right?

The bad part about this is I come off looking lazy. I come off looking like I'm doing nothing. But you don't know how much effort it takes JUST to make that effort. It seems easy. And if you've not been in the same place you won't understand just how impossible it really begins to be to do something.

current mood: tired

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Sunday, August 25th, 2002
7:40 pm - Oh so sore
I'm sure it's not healthy to be so sore all over...
Yesterday we played against the leading team in our league, a team that hasn't lost a game in neither this nor the last season.
And to top it off, we were missing quite a lot of players. Couple that with some injuries early in the game and we have a game where the offensive line has to play defensive line too. I think I was out on the sideline 10 plays at the most. Damn that's tough football!
But because of my current monetary situation (i.e. I'm broke) I wasn't able to attend the party that was arranged afterwards. And from the reports that I've heard so far it was a fun evening... :o(

Tomorrow I start my new job. It's only part-time, so I hope I can stand it, even though it isn't exactly the most exciting job.
Hopefully I'll be working with some nice girls :o)

My flat mate has some friends over (and his girlfriend) and about half an hour ago they ordered some food... did they ask me? Nope, I'm apparently invisible or something.
Although I wouldn't have been able to buy anything, unless I could borrow some money, at least they could have asked if I wanted something...
So now I've just withdrawn to my room, playing some loud music in an effort to disturb their precious soccer on TV.

current mood: sore

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Thursday, August 8th, 2002
6:53 pm - I know, I know, sorry for being away for so long... as if anybody ever read this thing...
Well, it sure has been a while since I posted something here last. There's a couple of reasons for that. First of all it's because I didn't want everybody to find out that I'd dropped out of school. It sucks, but I just couldn't find the money to buy all of the required books. So I had to leave.
But I want to start posting more often again, so here's a big post to start off with... a SURVEY!

*. name = Claus... just in case you missed the title of the page
*. birthday = January 21, that makes me an aquarian
*. piercings = none
*. tattoos = none... yet, it's hard to find a suitable place when you have as e.g. hairy arms as I do :o)
*. height = 6'6"
*. shoe size = 12 (46 for you Europeans)
*. hair color = brown.
*. length = fairly short...
*. siblings = 1 brother: Jesper, 22 years old (became a dad last year!)
*. pets = none, if I was allowed to keep one here it would be a cat. I'm a cat-person :o)

*. movie you rented = I'm not proud of it, but it was... Not Another Teen Movie
*. movie you bought = Lord of the Rings - DVD version (gotta save up for the 4 disc one too)!
*. song you listened to = Weezer - Keep Fishin'
*. song that was stuck in your head = hmm... there was one... but now that I actually have to remember it, it's gone... weird
*. song you've downloaded = Weezer - Keep Fishin'
*. cd you bought = Wauh, it's actually been a while since I bought a CD... I have a gift certificate for one, but I'm saving that for the new Pearl Jam CD coming out this November 19!
*. cd you listened to = a mixed cd with Papa Roach, Linkin Park and other bands like that.
*. person you've called = My football coach :o) I called him to say that I couldn't make it to practice today
*. person that's called you = Benjamin I think... now that my flatmate is away on vacation, not that many people call...
*. tv show you've watched = West Wing... this show RULES!
*. person you were thinking of = Well, I don't think there's much chance of her reading this, so... Michelle.

*. you have a bf or gf = Sadly, no
*. you have a crush on someone = um.... kinda...
*. you wish you could live somewhere else = I like living here, but at times I miss my birthtown.
*. you think about suicide = nope... not right now at least :o)
*. you believe in online dating = Hmm, not dating per se. I've met two girls online and started a relationship with both of them... funnily enough they both lasted about 3 months each...
*. others find you attractive = I honestly don't know... but if they do I wish they would say so :o)
*. you want more piercings = nope, not really my thing.
*. you want more tattoos = Maybe, see the above question on tattoos.
*. you drink = Yep, not that often though
*. you do drugs = Nope, I stay as far away from that shit as possible. And since I'm an "athlete," getting caught with stuff in my blood isn't exactly the smartest thing.
*. you smoke = Most definately NOT!
*. you like cleaning = haha... um. no. I like cleanliness, but I'm not a big fan of the actual process of cleaning.
*. you like roller coasters = Oh Yeah! As long as we're not talking about the emotional ones.
*. you write in cursive or print = Print I would say, although if I write fast it might be closer to cursive.
*. you carry a donor card = No

For or against
*. long distance relationships = I would have to say against. I've tried it one time... didn't like it
*. using someone = Definately against.
*. suicide = Against. Death is never the answer...
*. killing people = Against
*. teenage smoking = AGAINST. Stupid teenage kids smoke "to be cool", I don't give a shit what they say.
*. doing drugs = Against, but it's their own lives they mess up. Except that I probably have to pay for their rehab through taxes.
*. premarital sex = Well, since I'm not religious in any way... I'M ALL FOR IT :o)
*. driving drunk = Definately against. If you don't have the sense to leave the car when you're drunk you shouldn't have a license at all.
*. gay/lesbian relationships = Fine by me. As long as people are in a happy relationship, I don't care who it's with.
*. soap operas = I really don't know what people see in them. Bad acting, bad direction, bad lighting, , bad plot, bad everything...

*. food = Italian!
*. song = I don't think I can pick just one. If I had to pick a song that has had a great impact on me, it would be Alive by Pearl Jam.
*. thing to do = sleeping :o) If it's favorite thing while awake... SEX! although that happens WAY too rarily... hmm, hanging out with my friends, roleplaying.
*. thing to talk about = Girls :o) - RPGs, philosophy, generally anything intellectual.
*. sports = Football (not soccer, American Football)
*. drinks = Alcoholic: Screwdriver - Non-alcoholic: orange juice or chocolatemilk.
*. clothes = Anything comfortable.
*. movies = Dead Poets Society, Dogma
*. band = Pearl Jam (and Dave Matthews Band, Blues Traveler, and...)
*. holiday = Autumn Break (I'm a autumn kinda guy) or Christmas, because there's a chance of snow.
*. cars = Working ones and those I can fit properly into :o)

Have you...
*. ever cried over a girl = Oh boy, yes.
*. ever lied to someone = Haven't we all?
*. ever been in a fist fight = Yes, but it's been a VERY long time since I've been in a physical fight of any kind.
*. ever been arrested = Nope, my record is clean as a baby's butt.

*. shampoo do you use = The nice smelling kind :o)
*. perfume do you use = Rexona Cobalt Blue for everyday use. For the more festive occasions I have a couple to choose from: Very Valentino, Acqua Di Gio (Giorgio Armani), Cottonfield or Polo Sport (Ralph Lauren).
*. shoes do you wear = Mostly my trusty VAGABOND shoes.
*. are you scared of = Not finding happiness, being single for the rest of my life.

*. of times I have been in love? = A couple
*. of times I have had my heart broken? = Twice
*. of hearts I have broken? = Zero... I think...?!?
*. of boys I have kissed? = None
*. of girls I have kissed? = Since when? Some 10-15 I think.
*. of men I've slept with? = None
*. of girls I've slept with? = As in "regular sex"? 4 (5 if "heavy petting" counts ;o) )
*. of continents I have lived in? = One
*. of drugs taken illegally? = None
*. of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends? = Well, things have never gone that hairy, but... 3 or 4 I think.
*. of people I consider my enemies? = No enemies as such, but there's a person that I really, really, really, REALLY dislike.
*. of people from high school that I stayed in contact with? = None. Didn't have much in common with them.
*. of cd's that I own? = 200-some I think
*. of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? = A couple of times, with pictures too :o)
*. of scars on my body? = No big ones, just small scrapes and such.
*. of things in my past that I regret? = A lot and none. It's a hard thing to determine. I wouldn't be the person I am today (for good or bad) if I hadn't had the experiences I have. But I often wonder what my life would be like if I had made other choices earlier in life. But starting to play football and work out earlier would probably be two "safe" things that I would like to have done.

current mood: accomplished

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Wednesday, February 20th, 2002
10:29 am - Hmmm

My Mormon name is Archilus Cleese!

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<p>My Mormon name is <b>Archilus Cleese</b>!<br \><a href="http://rumandmonkey.com/widgets/toys/mormon/">What's yours?</a></p>

current mood: blah

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Wednesday, January 30th, 2002
10:44 pm - Wow, has it been that long...
Hmm, I just realized that it has been almost two months since I last posted something here.
No, it doesn't mean that nothing interesting has been going on, it's more a question of me not exactly being in a chatty mood lately.
This month has seen some serious mood swings... and it worries me.
Right now I'm in a kinda "don't want to go to work/school/anything" mood.
Classes doesn't start until Monday (the 4th) but I have to work more or less every day until then and it's not exactly something I'm in the mood for.

On another note, I held a birthday party this weekend (my birthday was on the 21st).
It went pretty well, not that many people turned up and it was more of a low-key get together than a party in its more festive meaning. Found out that the girl I had thought of as a possible future girlfriend (fat chance, but one has to keep on dreaming) had gotten a boyfriend on New Years eve... bummer.

I was also going to read up on all the things I didn't quite get through last semester, but guess what... I haven't, big surprise there :(

current mood: depressed

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Thursday, December 6th, 2001
2:01 am
So, I just got home from a Christmas dinner/party with my class. Caught a ride for the 1 mile from the party to where I live with a couple of cute girls from my class.
The party was ok I guess... I got a bit drunk, chatted briefly with most of the people from my class (less than I wanted to, but I guess I'm not that interesting to talk to...) and ate some good food.
I really thought I had overcome my shyness, but apparently it resurfaces once and again... I really don't know what "triggers" it, but something certainly went "wrong" tonight.

Wow, I just noticed that it's been a month since I last posted something here.

I don't quite know how to describe my life right now. It's close to sucking, but not quite there yet.
Some recognition or affirmation would be nice right about now... I think I'm close to hitting some major depression and something to hold on to would hopefully save me... but alas, nothing seem to be going my way at the moment.

I've also be very sleepy/tired lately, I just can't seem to muster the energy to get out of bed... maybe it's a forewarning for the depression... I don't know.
I don't know... that seems to be the catch phrase for my life right now.
Well, I know of one temporary "cure", sleeping... which I'm going to do right now.
Maybe tomorrow will look brighter... then again, maybe not.

current mood: drunk

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Thursday, November 8th, 2001
8:25 pm
Finally! I finally got my two new lamps put up, so the rearrangement of my room is soon finished.
Now I just have to sort all of my various papers and folders and... you get the idea.
Finding the right place for everything is then up next.. and it's actually not as easy as it might sound.
What should be stored together?
What category does this fit into? And this?
And so on...

The crummy part is that I can't really say that it's wholly finished before I buy some frames for my cool Larry Elmore prints... and I do NOT have the money for that right now, not even next month (funny little thing called Christmas coming up) and perhaps not even in January (hmm, maybe I should wish for some for my birthday in January)

Anyway, back to the sorting..

current mood: accomplished

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Thursday, November 1st, 2001
1:52 pm
Hmm, it's kind of... I don't know what to call it.. scary or eerie or something like that... let's just say that it's unsettling to watch an episode of Dawson's Creek (yep, I admit it, I actually watch the show every week) and then seeing yourself and your own experiences/feelings "reflected" in Dawson.
I knew exactly how he felt in that episode (apart from the "under 21" part).
I have felt the exact same things a few times before, most recently during my very brief "thing" with "her" (see earlier posts) and I could tell exactly what feeling accompanied each facial expression on Dawson's face.
(In case anyone is wondering what episode it was, it's the one where Dawson is going out with Gretchen and two of her College friends, Joey and Pacey are on a "double-date" with Drue and some rich girl (Episode #413 - "Hopeless "))

current mood: good

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Thursday, October 25th, 2001
8:07 pm - Wasting time...
Arrrggghhh, I can't concentrate on anything at the moment.
Or rather, I can't find the energy and motivation to DO anything.
I'm just sitting here, finding excuses to do anything BUT something constructive.
I have loads of stuff I should read, an essay to write and another essay that I should look at again (to improve it)... all of it for tomorrows classes.

side note:
Just read a post on another LiveJournal... and noticed that she had written the very same post I was reading to the same song that I was listening to... kind of scary, well, sort of scary... kinda.

There's just a lot of thoughts running through my mind... worries, hopes, fears.
Girls, money, school, just a lot of stuff that distracts me from doing anything useful.
If I could only concentrate on sorting through the stuff in my room so I can rearrange my furniture... but no, that is just beyond my scope right now... and I hate it.
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!!!
It just sucks, everything sucks right now.

current mood: frustrated

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Tuesday, October 23rd, 2001
3:39 pm
Well, I don't know if anybody actually reads any of this, but I thought I'd just make an update concerning the game this Saturday.
We lost.
Not that big of a surprise, but annoying anyway.

And to stay in the vein of not so happy news.
I haven't been to classes today because of a splitting headache.
That's bloody annoying too, especially since a girl from my class just said that my phonetics class was pretty good and informative.

current mood: tired

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Friday, October 19th, 2001
12:45 am
Wuhuu, I've just been added to the roster for the All-Star West Football team for the West vs. East game this Saturday. Yeah, hopefully we're going to kick some serious East b*tt.
Last time there were such a game it was more a show game than an intensely played Football match, and we won of course, but now it's for real.
Unfortunately the East team consists of players from the top 4 ranking teams in the recently finished Danish American Football League season... and of all the teams from the West clubs only 1 team (my team, Aarhus Tigers) have played the whole season in the National League (the top league), while 1 team is set to advance from the 1st division to the National League, while the rest of the teams are still in the 1st division.
But we beat 'em once and we can do it again.
Our starting QB is almost as good as the one we had for the first game (he's now attending College in the States... grrr, lucky bastard), so that's promising.
I just hope that I can do a good job too, even though my position is not exactly the most glamorous one. I'm an Offensive Lineman (Right Tackle) and the only times you hear about them is when they make mistakes and therefore aren't doing their jobs.
But that's okay with me (the non-glamorous part), since I'm fully aware of the importance of my position.

current mood: hopeful

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Friday, October 12th, 2001
2:38 pm - Uncle Claus
Now is the time. My little brother just called... tonight I'll be an uncle.
I still can't believe it, I mean, it's my kid brother, the brother I used to beat up in a brotherly manner in what seems like yesterday.
And now he's going to be a father.
It's... I can't put words on my feelings right now, it's just too big. :o)

current mood: ecstatic

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Sunday, October 7th, 2001
6:28 pm - Pessimism
I guess one could look at a lot of things in a negative way.
For instance, today 6 people called... not a single one of them was for me... all of the calls were for my flat-mate...

That kind of makes you feel a bit lonely :o(

current mood: worried

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12:29 am
Started working on this poem a couple of days ago. Normally I wouldn't spend so long on a poem, but this one just seems to... not wanting to come out, if you know what I mean.
Maybe it's because I have a purpose with it. It's supposed to end as a sort of "Carpe Diem" poem, which might be the reason why it isn't flowing as naturally as my usual poems (which are usually quite darker in theme too).
Well, here's what I've come up with so far:

A silent thought echoes through the halls
Amplified by the weary faces around me
Have you been...?
Have you tasted...?
Have you seen...?
Have you wasted...?
Have you loved...?

The solitude of man
So profound in it's emptiness

That's it.
Here's a couple of my shorter poems, just to have something to compare it with:

Each day go by
Each day go by
No change, no progress
Every day the same
No change, no progress
Caught in this web of my own indecisions
No change, no progress

What keeps me here
Why am I still here
Must get out, out of this web
This web of my own making
This web that keeps me down

Selfloathing, he rises above the emptiness
A spark that just won't ignite
The future is hidden behind a veil of uncertainty

My chain of burden
A sound� a whisper
A whisper to awaken me
That damned longing
Keeping me awake
Never can I rest
Never can I find peace
Always this incessant whispering
Nagging� maddening� tempting�
Forever damning my soul
Draining my strength� my resolve
I am weakening
I feel it every day, every night
Just make the whispering go away
But to no avail, my attempts have been for naught
Chained to this miserable life
The chain my burden, my sole grasp on sanity
Condemned to wander this dark alley
The whispering surrounding me
Forever clawing at my mind
Forever clawing at my sanity
Raking my nerves
Consuming the warmth around me
I am so tired
So very weary
Must hold on to the chain
The very burden I now cling to
In misery my salvation lies

current mood: contemplative

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